Few things are harder, or more necessary, than forgiveness. When someone has genuinely hurt you, the instinct is to hold on to the anger, replay the moment and wait for an apology that may never come. Yet the Bible returns to forgiveness again and again, treating it not as an optional extra for especially spiritual people but as a core part of everyday Christian living. If you are wondering how to forgive someone who has hurt you, Scripture offers both the reason and the way. This guide walks through what the Bible teaches about forgiveness and how to practise it, step by step, in real life.
What the Bible Says About Forgiveness
The starting point is God’s forgiveness of us. The apostle Paul puts it plainly: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). Forgiveness is not presented as a favour we do for people who have earned it. It flows from gratitude: because we have been forgiven far more than we will ever be asked to forgive, we extend the same grace to others. Our article on the grace of God explores this foundation in depth. Jesus makes the same connection in the Lord’s Prayer, where asking for forgiveness and forgiving others sit side by side in a single sentence (Matthew 6:12).
How Many Times Should We Forgive?
Peter once asked Jesus whether forgiving someone seven times was enough. The answer — seventy times seven — was not a new limit but a picture of a habit: forgiveness as a way of life rather than a counted allowance (Matthew 18:21-22). This does not mean pretending an offence did not matter, and it does not require us to stay in harmful situations. It means refusing to keep a ledger. Every time the memory resurfaces and the anger rises again, we choose again to release the debt. For many people, forgiving is less a single moment than a road walked over weeks and months, similar to learning to walk by faith one day at a time.
Forgiveness Is Not the Same as Forgetting or Excusing
A common misunderstanding stops many people before they start. Forgiving someone does not mean saying what happened was acceptable, and it does not require you to erase the memory or restore a relationship to what it was. Forgiveness and trust are different things: forgiveness is given, trust is rebuilt slowly through changed behaviour, and sometimes a relationship cannot safely be restored at all. What forgiveness does mean is handing the debt over to God instead of carrying it yourself. It is closely tied to Jesus’ teaching to do unto others as we would have them do to us — treating even those who wrong us with the mercy we hope to receive.
How to Forgive Someone: Practical Steps
So how do you actually do it? Begin by naming the hurt honestly before God. Vague resentment is hard to release; a specific wound can be prayed about specifically. Tell God exactly what happened and how it affected you — the Psalms are full of this kind of honest prayer. Second, make a decision of the will, even before your feelings agree. Say, in prayer, “Lord, I choose to forgive this person for this wrong.” Feelings often follow obedience rather than leading it. Third, pray for the person who hurt you. It is remarkably difficult to keep hating someone you are genuinely asking God to bless, and Jesus explicitly commands this (Matthew 5:44). Fourth, refuse revenge in the small things: do not rehearse the story to win sympathy, do not sabotage, do not keep score. Finally, repeat the process as often as the memory returns. Each repetition is not failure; it is the practice working.
Forgiving Yourself and Asking for Forgiveness
Sometimes the person we struggle most to forgive is ourselves. The Bible’s answer is that God’s verdict outranks our feelings: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins” (1 John 1:9). If God has forgiven a thing, holding ourselves in permanent guilt is not humility — it is unbelief. The other side of the coin is asking others to forgive us. Where we have wronged someone, Christian living means going to them, naming what we did without excuses, and asking for forgiveness, whether or not they grant it. Both directions require humility, and both are marks of the fruit of the Spirit growing in a person’s character.
Verses to Hold On To
When forgiving feels impossible, return to the promises. Colossians 3:13 urges believers to bear with each other and forgive as the Lord forgave them. Mark 11:25 connects forgiveness with prayer, encouraging us to release grudges before we come to God. And in the hardest moments, the comforting passages of Scripture remind us that God is near to the broken-hearted and does not ask us to carry pain alone. Keeping one or two of these verses where you will see them daily — on a phone lock screen or a card in your Bible — can steady you on the days the old anger flares up again.
What Forgiveness Does for You
It is worth saying plainly that forgiveness benefits the forgiver most of all. Carrying a grudge is like drinking something bitter every morning and hoping the other person feels it. Studies of wellbeing aside, most of us know from experience that resentment follows us into unrelated conversations, disturbed sleep and a general heaviness that colours the whole day. Releasing the debt does not rewrite the past, but it stops the past from charging rent in the present. Many Christians describe a tangible lightness once they finally forgive — not because the offence shrank, but because they stopped carrying it alone. Forgiveness also frees your prayers. A heart occupied with revenge has little room left for gratitude, intercession or simple joy, and Jesus’ warning in Mark 11 suggests he knew exactly how much unforgiveness can crowd out. In short, forgiving is not mainly a gift you give the person who hurt you. It is the door through which you walk back into peace.
A Closing Prayer
If you are ready to begin, you might pray something like this: “Father, you know what happened and how much it still hurts. I cannot manufacture warm feelings, but I choose today to forgive, because you have forgiven me. I hand this debt to you. Heal what is broken in me, and help me to choose forgiveness again tomorrow for as long as I need to. Amen.” Forgiveness rarely feels dramatic. More often it is quiet, repeated and costly — and it is one of the clearest signs of a faith that is alive and growing.
